Category: This Life Divine

Sara-Jayne Kundalini Global Blog Post

Exquisite Stillness, My Weird Brain and A Bee at My Yoga Room Window

Published on by Sara-Jayne Edwards1 Comment

Hello lovely humans

I write, today, on a truly beautiful Spring morning. It was a lovely moment to leave the house to do the school run, little hands gripped in mine, and feel the sun on my incredibly pale skin. It also caused me to pause and reflect on how little attention I had paid to the changing season. Life has been extremely busy for me over recent months. With a backdrop of loss, of stressful things, but also of incredible opportunities and positive change.

When I work, in my own life, on presence, on stillness, I most often turn to my tools in the form of stretching, posture, breathing, meditation, to running, to creating… but they always tend to be ‘doing’ things. The ‘doing’ can, from its effort, allow a sense of stillness to come in the aftermath. Or the stillness can come to the mind in the process – my mind is never less anxious than as I run. It is as if it is entirely cleansed. Running feels like taking my brain to a car wash and letting some kind of magical machine make it sparkle like new. And I get the endorphins at the end too which, these days, I am so much better at allowing to get to work in gobbling up the stress hormones by actually experiencing them rather than going straight from my run, or my yoga practise, on to whatever stressful thing I have coming up next.

What feels important to me right now is to allow the stillness to come in through more subtle practise too. To be present in nature is a big one. I could perhaps say that it doesn’t always feel easy, living as I do in a post-industrial city, the pollution from the main road forming soot over the porch tiles on the daily. But, in fact, where I live is a truly beautiful place.

For a long time I have taken daily walks down an old, meandering, railway line in a nature reserve only minutes from my home. A railway line that has been reclaimed by the earth, allowed to be reabsorbed by nature. Some days I even spot a Muntjac deer. A Muntjac deer! Only minutes from a main road, the local Premier League Football Team’s floodlit training ground and two huge comprehensive schools, in the middle of a city. It never fails to make me feel overwhelmed with joy when I see them dash across my path as the dogs pull at their leads and the squirrels scatter. I walk along the manmade canals with nothing for company but the herons and the ducklings and the swans. I know the local swans well. They become predictable in their presence at certain marker points on my walks. I know their pairings. Last year’s babies, long departed and, to me, missed. It can feel shabby and even bleak on grey days. But it is always very beautiful to me. It always helps me. Soothes.

I haven’t been going so often lately. My dog, Rebel, is very sick. She has cancer. And it’s not curable. She isn’t yet 5. She is having chemotherapy. 16 weeks. We’re 4 weeks in. And she is better, in herself, than she was. Some days are harder than others. She’s a lovely companion, Rebel. She hasn’t really been up to walks. I came to feel as if I was abandoning her to go our usual routes when she cannot join me. The impact on my mind of taking this daily commitment away has been felt through every part of my life. So I need to work out a compromise. One day last week she managed a walk a little of our usual route. It was very lovely to have that 30 minutes out with her. Walking a mile rather than our usual 6. It made me really sad, though, too.

Right now I notice the bumblebee at the window of my yoga room, enjoying what exists, still, of the lavender I planted there last Spring that looks so leggy and sad now. Neglected. The bee doesn’t seem to mind. Just as I don’t mind the shabby, bleakness of the canal path on a rainy day.

Perhaps the answer is to put my usual walking time in to the garden. It certainly needs the attention. In fact that’s a glorious idea because Rebel can join me then, too.

The Exquisites

I usually include, in each post, details of what I have been reading. My reading material of late has so much been to support my yoga teaching and practise that my hugely eclectic to be read pile sits sadly in the corner, literally, like a dusty tower of remembrance for what I had hoped for …

You see, reading for pleasure has fallen away somewhat this year so far. Another aspect of my self care and experiences of presence that needs some serious attention.

The most glorious thing I have read in recent weeks, by some way, is a new subscription newsletter from Carolyn Cowan called The Exquisites which she has launched on the rather glorious and fascinating platform Sub-stack.

Substack is a great place to explore, to find interesting writers who have new ideas and perspectives to share. Writers can use it as a platform to say, essentially, whatever they want, unencumbered by editors. I like that independent writers that join the platform own their own content. And it really does attract some incredible writers. Carolyn is my my favourite of those because her writing is other-worldly… exquisite. And what she has to say… what she has said already, is exactly what I need to hear.

Carolyn has made something so unique, so elegant, so beguiling… it really blew me away to have the first issue sent to my inbox a few days ago.

In The Exquisites, Carolyn is taking us on a journey through, as she puts it, an accumulation of Exquisite experiences. Using written word, spoken word, audio, video, gorgeous artwork. . . 

It is an email that opens up a very magical interactive experience. It’s very sensory. The whispers and the music and the feelings that come as you follow the practises that you are guided, gently, kindly, beautifully, through.

It’s impossible to do it justice, really, because it has to be experienced to be believed. But when the first issue landed with me it also LANDED me. Like a feather slowly floating to the ground and then nestling in, securely, to rest amongst the twigs and pebbles and earth. I felt divine after working my way through it. Twice. In fact. And I may just do it all again today.

I can’t recommend it enough. Subscriptions to The Exquisites are paid for. The work that goes in to such offers is enormous and it’s a very good thing, in my view, to support talented writers who have interesting and hugely valuable things to share.

If you want to try it out, Carolyn’s offer is £10 per month, or £100 if you subscribe for a year. To me, with the continual offer of horror, offence, violence and stress from platforms like Netflix and Amazon Prime, Now TV and the news… £10 per month is the most incredible value to be gifted in return something that has been created only with the aim to give us stillness. To give us an altered experience of ourselves. An exquisite experience of ourselves in an altered state.

If you want to subscribe or find out more go here:

The Exquisites

This Life Divine

This Life Divine is only a week away. Beginning on Good Friday, This Life Divine is a two day event to help us move through addictive or anxious behaviours.

Here’s a little trailer for the event.

If you would like more information feel free to email me or visit the website at www.thislifedivine.com

I have a special link and code for 50% off tickets so let me know if you would like that.

Me and my brain

At the start of the year I was invited by The Priory Group to take part in a campaign on Instagram called #ShareTheArt. The idea was that a number of artists (I have never considered myself an artist but was flattered to be named as such) were to be commissioned to create a piece of art as a reflection of the role of creative expression on our mental health. Mental health awareness is one of my biggest passions and art one of my most treasured tools for presence, so I was really excited to take part.

It has been an honour and an incredible experience to be a part of this campaign and I truly believe the message. Art, being creative, helps me enormously. HUGELY.

 I did not expect to create what I ended up creating. My plan, always, was to draw ‘My Brain’ (as a character) every day over the duration of the campaign and create something from those drawings. I thought I would be showing me and my mind picnicking in meadows, all still and soothed and serene. 

But, really, as I got to work, I knew that wasn’t right. Me and my mind do have those still, soothed, moments. But they most often come as a result of me embracing my mind’s true nature. After creating, laughing and smiling as I go, things where I truly feel I have expressed ME. And I don’t think anything ever has quite like this. 

Creative expression is one of the most fantastic tools available to us as humans in managing our relationship to ourselves, our stories, our emotions… what that looks like, sounds like… how it is received by others… to me, that’s not the important part. 

The important part is that it helps. It helps you feel present. It helps you feel heard. It allows the release of emotion in a really powerful way. 

And my brain is weird. Unusual. It really is. And I’m getting to a place where I really am very proud of that.

The Priory Group are inviting everyone to join in with Share The Art by creating their own piece of art on the value of creative expression. To take part use the hashtag on Instagram #ShareTheArt and tag @priorygroup

And let me know if you join. I’d love to see what you make. You can find more about my journey with the campaign over on my instagram @sarajaynekundalini

My Final Piece

Free Classes Continue:

My free classes continue every Saturday morning at 8am. I love them. So much. It’s community building at its best. Totally suitable for beginners. No flexibility required. We breathe together, stretch together and hopefully take the time to land in to the present moment. Maybe even laughing as we go.

I would love to see you there.

To sign up go here:

Free Classes

Upcoming Projects:

In the coming week I will be announcing the dates for my next two workshops. I AM: Creative and I AM: Safe. Both will come with gifts, with affirmation cards and other goodies. I am working on that now. Along with another exciting project that is in my other area of passion and expertise: publishing. I’m going to be publishing something that I hope will be really special. That is likely going to be toward the end of April but I am working with some incredible humans to create something MAGIC for you.

Do stay in touch. Leave a comment, send an email I love to hear from you.

With all my love

Sara-Jayne xxx 

PS – if you made it ALL the way through this post (which was much longer than I intended) thank you so much. Mwah! xxx

Affirmations For Moving Through Anxiety

Published on by Sara-Jayne EdwardsLeave a comment

When I taught last weekend at This Life Divine we worked with a list of affirmations from my own little library that I have been building and several people have been in touch to ask if I could share, so today I thought I would.

Affirmation is fast becoming one of the tools I turn to first when I need to adult myself, soothe myself, and when I work with intention. I plan to run a series of workshops this year exploring different aspects of taking ourselves on, each using affirmation in our practise in a number of different ways. The first is coming up next month, where we will be exploring safety. You can find out more about that here:

I AM: SAFE, WORKSHOP

Affirmations for moving through anxiety:

I Am Safe
I Am Calm
I Am Peaceful
I Am Gentle
I Can Choose
I Have Time
I Have Space
I Am Patient
I Am Present To My Life
I Belong
I Love My Body
I Am Safe In My Body
I Am Kind
I Am Kind to Myself
I Give Myself Permission
I Can Make Decisions With Conviction
I Love My Mind
I Deserve
I Am Creative
I Am Brave
I Am Strong
I Am Proud Of Me
I Feel Connection
I Love
I Am Loved
My Nature Is Divine
I Have No Fear
I Have No Pain
I Am
I Can
I Love My Life
My Life Loves Me

How to use affirmation?

Some like to affirm looking in a mirror. Some like to quietly recite one affirmation whilst breathing gently. I like to keep a list, a long list, that I add too and then to reflect in my daily practise on affirmations to work with on any given day. I then use them with my breath practise and sometimes with posture.

There is no right or wrong way. But the repitition of an affirmation practise is what begins to create transformation. It aids in neural plasticity. In changing the avenues that your mind has been programmed to meander down (or shoot down) most regularly.

I wrote recently about my own use of affirmation and how it helps me and it is something I very much intend to continue exploring over this year.

A Week of Reflections, Part 3: You Are More Powerful Than You Can Imagine

Published on by Sara-Jayne Edwards1 Comment

Hello lovely humans,

As I close my week of posts in which I reflect on some of the many lessons I have learned through 2020, through the journey to becoming a Kundalini Global yoga teacher and all that the experience of that began to shift in all other aspects of my life, I wanted to talk a little (again, such huge topics, I so wish I could write all day!) about something I have completely fallen in love with: affirmation. Why? Because beginning a daily affirmation practise has shown me, in a HUGE way, the power of the quantum field.

To put it simply, what we affirm, what we say to the universe, really does have an impact on our reality as it appears to us. If we constantly say that everything in our lives is stressful and shitty and depressing or dull, if we call ourselves stupid or unworthy or say ‘I hate my life’ (or, constantly use the hashtag #fml on social media!) then guess what? That is what the universe will show you. Again and again. You can think of it in terms of confirmation bias or you can think of it in terms of neural plasticity and how our minds create new pathways based off of new and repeated thoughts/habits etc. You can think of it in terms of quantum physics. Or magic. Or connection. Divine intervention. It doesn’t matter how you frame it. What matters is that, in my experience, changing how you talk about yourself and your reality, beginning to step away from negative self-talk, playing with affirming what it is that you want from life… it works. It creates transformation.

We can create our own change. We have inherent power that we have been programmed not to tap in to. All of us. No exclusions.

The patriarchy, social media, the media… huge companies and entrenched systems that it’s so easy to become bound by… they want to make us small. They want to keep us fearful… to rely on going back to buy, to like, to comment, to be offended… they know that we will keep going back if we are scared as a way to try and soothe ourselves. As a way to feel we’re a part of something. As a way to try and feel we have some control, some autonomy, in how we feel.

But we do have agency. We do have a means to take the reins of our reality. And it can, in part, come from what and how we affirm.

I’m utterly fascinated by how impactful introducing affirmation in to my day has become. I have a list, I add to it and edit it regularly. In it I focus on what it is that is tripping me up at that time. Perhaps I am feeling lacking academically, I may affirm ‘I love my mind’ ‘I am intelligent.’ I affirm what I want or what I need to hear. I believed for a long time I could only be reassured by the ‘other’ – from outside of me. I am coming to realise that what I always wanted, the reassurance that never quite came, I can give that to myself… and from there I can step out to help others do the same.

Today I worked with 5 affirmations in my own private daily practise. They were:

I can choose.
I give myself permission.
I love my mind.
I love my body.
I am safe.

The affirmation I use the most often is that final one – I am safe. It’s a good place to start. Always. To be, to feel, to believe you are safe enough. It isn’t possible to always be totally safe. But safe enough is an amazing place to be. From safety can come transformation.

We have to feel safe enough to change. We have to recognise we do not like how we feel, that our internal and eternal relationship to ourselves and the universe isn’t cutting it for us. In short, that we’re suffering.

From there we can make ourselves, in a variety of ways, safe enough. Safe enough to try something new. Safe enough to play with the power we hold.

Until that time all of the very many safety mechanisms we have built up around our lives that cause us suffering, safety mechanisms that we often can’t even recognise – in how we interact with others, in our relationship to food, in our anxiety, in how we use alcohol or sex or whatever it may be – things that we use to give ourselves an illusion of safety – it is too hard to put those safety mechanisms down.

I am safe. To affirm that. It’s one aspect in creating that. It may not be that simple for everyone. Believe me, my safety states are deeply deeply entrenched and I am still working on them tirelessly. But I am safe enough to wake up to new possibilities. In a big way this comes from my recognition that my safety states exist. And from there that I can, with the right tools, begin to put them down.

That’s why I write about affirmation today. For me it has been one of the most powerful tools of all.

I believe, wholeheartedly, that to affirm as part of a daily ritual is one of the most powerful tools we have in changing how we feel… In changing our minds! And yes, in creating safety.

I wholeheartedly recommend starting your own list of affirmations – you can do it on your notes app on your phone. Keep adding to it, edit it. Then read it aloud to yourself each day. Every day. I do it. It’s so so powerful…

And yet. 

I still do that thing… I go to put the cornflakes in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard, notice my error, bash myself on the forehead and proclaim out loud ‘ugh, I’m such an idiot’. I mean, that’s a fairy innocuous example, I know, but, like many people, I have a propensity for saying pretty horrible things about myself on the daily. I’m working on that. 

The reason that affirmation can work is because, especially when repeated day after day, it opens up the possibility of programming your mind into believing the stated concept. This is because the magical mind, whilst very clever and interesting, doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is a glorious and gorgeous fantasy (or a hellish one, of course, too!) 

If I tell the world i’m an idiot, not only will I more deeply engrain the statement in my own mind but, beyond, the universe will likely keep showing me all the ways I am. If I tell the world I am safe. I am creative. I am. I can. Things change. They really do.

I’ve written before about the very wonderful equation we work with in Kundalini Global: 

Breath x Posture x Intention = Transformation 

I went out for a long walk in the snow yesterday and my mind went to this equation, to how extremely powerful it is. How this little sum has completely changed my reality.

A little filmic scene came to my mind. I saw my 2020 as if I had been some kind of nerdy, dedicated maths professor coming to my desk each morning to work on solving the same simple sum. Baffled and in awe of how each time I come up with a different answer. 

But the desk was my mat. And rather than a numerical answer the outcome was laughter or tears, reluctance, strength, hundreds of different results over a year that’s led me through SO much change. 

It would be easy to glance at this magical equation and consider it small. It is truly enormous. Why? It can connect you to how powerful you truly are. As you work with it, as you begin to notice the small changes that come from working with the quantum field in this way, you begin to realise a truth: you can create your own change. Always. 

A teacher or a guru or a book or a video you watch on here or on YouTube – they can guide you toward that change. But it is you who holds the power. Always. 

In my free class tomorrow we are adding affirmation to the mix. Coming under the umbrella of our intention, we can affirm as we work with posture and breath. If we are doing a dynamic Cobra, we may usually imbue the posture with intention around releasing us from the stress system, or around opening the heart. To add affirmation changes the experience further, ‘I am open hearted’ we may affirm as we inhale up, ‘I am calm’ as we lower ourselves down. It’s so fascinating to become aware of our responses to affirmation as we begin to affirm positively. 

I hope to see lots of you in class, 2pm tomorrow. Until then, stay magical, stay powerful.

Sending all my love

Sara-Jayne

A Week of Reflections, Part 1: The Courage to Be Disliked

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Hello lovely lovely humans

How are we all? My Christmas was the quietest and calmest I can remember. That silence – well, as much silence as you can possibly get in a home that includes 3 children, 3 cats and a Golden Retriever who enjoys nothing more than barking at a stray Wotsit that’s somehow made its way under the sofa – but, that silence was very welcome. Curious, that, as I have not always been one for quiet and calm.

Despite my gratitude for a calm Christmas, a word that is coming up for me a lot this week is loneliness. I hadn’t truly connected to my own feelings of loneliness this year, but I have now. It is an extremely emotional thing to connect with. I hadn’t allowed myself to be aware of it until now. Perhaps because I had so many distractions this year. Perhaps it was just awaiting the calm in this final few days of the year. For many this year has been a real experience of loneliness. And not always because we have been literally alone – indeed, for some, for me, it has been a year of never having any opportunity to be alone at all. And yet the sense of loneliness can be incredibly present. The inability to see friends, to hug, to embrace one another. It’s created something of a separation for many. In that separation I have learnt a lot. I have begun work on boundaries (more on that later in the week) I have really been able to connect to the depth of gratitude I feel for certain people in my life. For certain experiences I would usually, when the world is open, have access to. it’s also helped me to identify what I may now be ready to let go of. As lockdown continues, my feeling is that those of us who connect online to do yoga, to do breath, to build small communities that can come together to help manage our emotions and step back out in to this most peculiar time we are living through… I believe we make change. And not only for ourselves. For those around us too.

Many of us have had to sit with our anxiety this year in ways that the speed at which life can move would not usually allow – or, more accurately, we are usually able to keep moving at such speed that we do not allow the stillness to come in to our lives much at all. From talking with peers and with friends and loved ones, I believe that very many of us feel ready to make changes, now. Not because we walk towards a New Year, not only that, but because this year has given space to recognise that we don’t often like how we feel.

This Life Divine is coming up – it starts on Saturday. 2nd January. 9:30am. I’m really passionate about the value of this event. It takes place online, via zoom. It is a 3 day festival of yoga, breath work, lectures and workshops and the theme is to look at ways of moving through anxious and addictive behaviours. Addiction does not, in any way, mean substance abuse alone. Addiction is defined as suffering. Any behaviour, any habit or recurring thought process or pattern in your life that makes you feel like crap. I believe most of us have such things. Often a lot of them. Often some that we put down only to immediately pick up another. And perhaps, as we move in to 2021, we’re ready, we can be ready, to put these behaviours down. This event will be powerful. It will be fascinating. You do not have to commit to the full three days (although I will be and to do so will be a gift beyond words). Take a look at the schedule and see what you’d like to try out. If money is any obstacle to you coming along then you can sign up for free. All profits from ticket sales are being donated to some wonderful charities.

Find out more over on the This Life Divine website and if you have any questions feel free to send me an email or to leave a comment here.

This Life Divine

Lessons from 2020

I wrote to recently on this blog about the amazing transformative year I have had. Due, to a large extent, by my experiences and the journey of training to teach Kundalini Global yoga. Journey is a word that comes up again and again and again in the realms of any spiritual practise (and on programmes like X factor). It is one of those words that can lose its potency from the prevalence of its use. But a journey it has been. The start of one. I feel as if I am at the start. And that is, for me, a feeling of hope. I enter 2020 feeling full of hope. I intend to be in service, to share what I have learned, to build community and to, I do hope, not only to help facilitate calm and stillness in the lives of others but also to bring joy. I see classes as an opportunity not only to activate transformation but also to have fun. Fun is so important. And often neglected in times of a global pandemic.

I have learnt a lot about myself this year, and over the next week I thought I would share some of the lessons that have come to me over this last 12 months. Some of them huge and life changing, some of them small, humbling, sweet. If any resonate with you I would love to know. I will be posting every day this week, on a new aspect of what I have been working on for myself this year. I’m starting with something that’s a huge part of what I am working on right now. And will continue to be an aspect of what I move through walking in to 2021:

People are always going to dislike you. Let that just be.

I am working on a commitment to being non-judging. It is incredibly rare that I say negative things about anyone else. It’s not in my nature to. But internally, like most of us, I do judge. It can feel impossible not to and, most especially, to have enough awareness to notice when judgement creeps in. For me, though, to work on not judging others is a whole lot easier than my experience this year of coming to accept that, no matter what you do, others will compare, judge, find you lacking, be offended by your actions and, on occasion, make it abundantly clear that they do not like you one bit.

I am moving through a situation right now that feels a bit like I’ve stepped in to Mean Girls. I have zero interest in broadcasting the details but someone has come in to my universe who seems to want to both subtly and not so subtly let me know with some regularity that they have a problem with me. In itself that feels fine. The issue came, for me, in that they have, at the same time, been equally loud in their expression of adoration for others who I have personally, and uncharacteristically, come to lean on for support, which made people and spaces that were previously safe for me the total opposite. This, initially, sent me in to a real child state. Terror, in fact. My safety was taken away. More correctly: I allowed it to be. But that, however hard it feels, is a choice. To allow someone else to take that safety away was something I could choose to allow, or not to. So whilst I cannot, right now, step away from this situation and this person entirely, I have really had to be aware of my responses, and activate adulting and soothing myself. All whilst practising being non-judging and kind to the person who doesn’t like me. Tricky stuff. But valuable. So valuable. As the days pass, and this particular situation unfolds, I am building a confidence in my ability to parent myself and it’s fostering something special and unfamiliar inside of me. In many ways, this situation, then, has been a blessing.

Whether I can see it as a blessing or not, when things like this happen it can be easy to be offended and defensive, ‘but I’m so kind! But I only want to help! But I did that thing for them’. Or we can get angry, think, ”well, fuck them, I don’t need them anyway.’ – not just, in my example about the person who doesn’t like you, but those who you feel separated from as a result. For me, my go to would usually be to further internalise self-loathing. To feel there is something inherently wrong with me that I could be so offensive to others… this is shame. How shame manifests.

This is something I have struggled with for my entire life. My go-to behaviour from that shame has always been to appease, to soothe, to make myself ‘perfect’ so that I can desperately reach, grasping for the reins, to steer how others perceive me. Lots of us do that. We get to a point where we never say no. Where we live almost entirely for the other. Where we give and give in the hope of being labelled as ‘good’ or ‘useful’ or whatever it may be. And then in comes exhaustion. And perhaps resentment. And a sense of self-loathing, for me, that, no matter how incredibly hard I try to ‘prove myself’ I still can’t make everyone happy. This path never works.

After a lot of work, I am coming to a place that can accept and allow. Right now I can have an emotion about someone making it clear that they do not like me. Or what I do. I can notice my body tense as they roll their eyes when I talk. But that I can allow that to be… and to pass.

I notice for myself that the more authentic my life becomes, the more I feel I am in tune with my own path, my own mission, the more I step in to being me, the more people react negatively to me. A hard reality to face. But a valuable lesson. By putting down some of my soothing and appeasing behaviours, the easier it becomes to just notice others reactions and allow it to be. No judgement. Not attempting to soothe. Putting in place some boundaries. It creates a space. A space to allow. A space to activate the courage to be disliked. The Courage to Be Disliked. It’s a book that is guiding me in life right now. And those 5 words are a mantra for me as I step in to 2021.

As I say, I am going to post every day this week, so do check back tomorrow. And also don’t forget to book your place on This Life Divine.

Let me know your thoughts on having the courage to be disliked and, as always, I send each and every one of you loads and loads of love.

Sara-Jayne xxx

Blossoms, Bones, Divine Life, Divine Trees, Christmas Heaven and a Gift From Me to You: What I Have Been Up To This Week

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Happy Sunday lovely humans

Before I get to anything else, I would just like to mention that I am offering a free class on Wednesday 30th December at 2.00pm, UK time. A post Christmas gift. If you would like to come you simply need to make sure you have added yourself to my email newsletter. If you haven’t done that already you can do it here:

Free Class

I would really love to see lots of you there.

How are we all? I’m feeling extremely Christmassy today. I think it might be time to put on The Pogues and bake some mince pies. Before my morning practise I lit a fire in my yoga room and then went around switching on all of the Christmas lights on the trees. Yes, trees, I really am one of those people who has more than one Christmas tree. The year I moved in to the house I live in now, which was about 4 or 5 years ago, I took on a range of other people’s discarded fake trees and had, I think 8 huge Christmas trees in the house. It was absolutely magical. However, when it came to pack it all away in the New Year I decided it was, perhaps, a little excessive, even for someone who loves Christmas as much as I do.

This year’s offerings a much less abundant but fill me with equal amounts of joy.

I have this little tree in the living room that has ALL of my favourite decorations on.
In the kitchen I have this glorious monstrosoty.
This skeleton, hanging on the door to the cellar, jump scares my kids multiple times a day. I think they are glorious.
And in my children’s playroom this beast. 12 foot and absolutely magical. This is where Father Christmas leaves the gifts.

I planned to take something of a break this past week but, in fact, I have somehow let myself be as busy as ever. I have put myself on a contract for this coming week to actually let myself be still. I really do need it. It’s incredible how much we allow ourselves to keep going despite our bodies and minds screaming at us to slow down.

One thing I do always make space for is my practise. Both personal, in the early hours of the day, and also to attend classes whenever I can.

Tonight I am incredibly happy that I have the gift of the second of the Christmas Prayer Workshops with Carolyn Cowan. My second time doing this series of Sunday evening sessions which are truly magical. I believe Carolyn plans to run this again at Easter so if you would like to check it out do go over and join her mailing list. Last week we considered the practise of asking, in prayer. The stillness that comes from sitting in this space is pure bliss, to me. It does truly feel like being wrapped in a warm cosy blanket for two hours. Extremely soothing. And fascinating too.

Join us for This Life Divine

This Life Divine is coming up in the New Year. From the 2nd-4th January. This 3 day event has some amazing yoga and breath teachers as well as psychotherapists, all coming together at the start of a New Year to help anyone who is moving through anxious or addictive behaviours. It’s going to be wonderful. Any money raised from This Life Divine is being shared between 3 equally amazing charities that help those moving through addiction and if money is an obstacle to booking a place then you can book on the website for free. It’s an amazing offer. The opportunity to experience three fantastic workshops with Carolyn Cowan would be enough to get me there – with bells on! And beyond that we have so much on offer. Lots of it from my very fantastic Kundalini Global colleagues.

I’m really looking forward to this, both as someone who plans to attend the entire event, and as a teacher who is involved. You’ll find my class on day 3 of the schedule. And loads more information, as well as booking, can be found on the This Life Divine website.

Head over to This Life Divine to book your place.

Blossoms and Bones: What I Have Been Reading This Week

I’ve been a fan of Kim Krans for a few years now. I discovered her through a gift given to me 2 or 3 Christmases ago of her Wild Unknown Tarot Deck. But it was her Archetype cards (my goodness they’re incredible!) that I fell in love with. So when I saw she had a book, a memoir, that was hand drawn and written, and then when I saw the sub-title ‘Drawing a Life Back Together’ I had it in my hands almost immediately. 

In Blossoms and Bones, Kim Krans shows huge amounts of vulnerability and openness as she takes us on a journey through, what you could describe as, her complete evisceration of her relationship to herself. And then, with great joy, the reconstruction.

At the start she has taken refuge from herself in an ashram for 30 days and for those 30 days she takes on a practise of drawing her feelings.

Stepping through these 30 days with her is quite humbling as we truly witness a deeply personal unravelling.

With each day that passes it feels as if she comes closer to the parts of herself that she has been most avoiding. It was fascinating for me as it mirrored so closely my own story of this year as we were encouraged to embrace our story – to see it as our gold – on my Kundalini Global Teacher Training. In that work we begin to look at some very hard truths.

Then enter a skeleton (could this book be any more perfect for me) who offers its hand to be her guide through her subconscious. To follow the skeleton on a journey within herself – to the darkest parts of her internal relationship to herself. 

It was poignant to me that the memoir includes some really very beautiful prayers. Short, simple. But so touching, some of them made me cry.

It’s an extremely engaging book to read. You have to immerse yourself in it, turn it round, lean in closer, squint your eyes and figure out where to take your attention next. It’s just exquisite. I don’t want to give it all away here but I would truly recommend you check it out.

A tale of a human totally deconstructing themselves and the power and exquisite sense of self that comes when, having done that, they piece themselves back together. 

Blossom and Bones

That’s about it from me today, although I plan to check back in before Christmas Day.

Do let me know how you are in the comments, or by sending me a message. I love to hear from you.

Sending you all LOADs of love

Sara-Jayne xxx

I Am: Grateful! Why Training To Teach Kundalini Global, Is The Best Thing I Have Ever Done…

Published on by Sara-Jayne Edwards3 Comments

Hello lovely humans

So, this week, I finished teaching for the year. I decided I needed a little pause before Christmas, some time for some stillness and reflection before the chaos of having 3 very excited children in the run up to Christmas Day.

When I finished my final class on Friday I was taken aback to find myself feeling all kinds of emotion. It may sound mean but I will admit I felt some relief. I’ve been teaching online every week since February – even before lockdown. And whilst I have seriously loved every moment, from those early shaky, croaky-voiced classes that I spent days-on-end planning, to the insanity of zipping myself up in to giant inflatable Christmas Tree costume to dance with abandon to Wizard in the final classes of the year… I am tired. I need some stillness, now. But I am happy. Really, really bloody happy. My overriding feeling, as I stepped out of my elf costume and carefully rolled up my mat was not the relief at taking a break but gratitude. Overflowing with it. To so many people, to so many experiences, and to myself, too.

Instagram scrolling changed my life…

I spent a long time looking for a Kundalini yoga teacher training. A few years. I was completely dedicated to my practise from the first days of Kundalini yoga entering my life. It helped me. So much. And I knew from an unfamiliar part of myself that it was something that I was destined to take further. To share. But the trainings I explored, considered, sat with for months on end, wondering why, exactly, I felt uncomfortable about signing up when I so wanted to teach, was so certain it was what I was supposed to do… something held me back from them. I knew that, for some reasons I could identify and some I could not, that they weren’t for me. 

I remember the day I saw a post pop up on Instagram from Carolyn Cowan that announced she was going to be running a level one Kundalini Yoga teacher training the following year. I was scrolling through Instagram absentmindedly and, for some reason, it felt as if my world stopped. Just for a split second. I’d only been following Carolyn online for a little while… I was drawn to a photo she had shared of a naked woman with a dove strapped to her back and from there I became beguiled by how refreshing her voice was in the sea of Kundalini teachers I had started to listen to. Something about the news of Carolyn’s training made me feel as if I’d been plugged in to the mains… it lit me up entirely and I remember quickly adding myself to an email list and making a note down in my diary about checking in on news about what it would involve. I’d seen enough of what Carolyn shared to know this was going to be something different.

The more Carolyn shared about what she would be exploring on her training the more certain I became that the universe had been conspiring entirely for me to wait for this. I did some online classes with Carolyn and was completely taken aback by how powerful and calming her presence was. How enormous and yet safe the space she held could be – even over the Internet.

 I waited with some anxiety for news about where her teacher training would be and how much it would cost and, with a heart beating faster than anything I’d previously experienced, the evening she opened up the website to book, I signed up.

And then I got insanely nervous…

I lived and worked in London for a long time, and, since moving away, I’d convinced myself that I hated it now.  That I couldn’t cope with being there for extended periods of time. I was also terrified of Carolyn. I’d never met anyone like her before, I was sure of that, and I immediately got in to a mindset of how I ‘should’ be before I even attempted to take up space on a training that I wasn’t sure, in all honesty, I deserved.

I took on a Kriya called Strengthening the Aura because I thought it would protect me from my vulnerabilities, and train me up for being strong enough to cope with my feelings of inadequacy. I continued this until only a few months ago. It took me well over a year to realise the intention behind my daily practise had its roots in shame, in fear.

In February the time finally came to make my way down to London and join the first module.

It was mind blowing. It was intense and it was completely magical in every way. I will not write about the experience in detail (no spoilers) but it was beyond anything I could have imagined. It was also terrifying.


Kundalini Global training is an extremely powerful, intense and life changing experience.

The great pause and moving online

After that first module I will admit, that whilst I found it extremely powerful, extraordinary and very fascinating, I was on a different planet. I was so ungrounded.

I remember walking my dog the morning after I got home from London, and having a sense I was observing myself from above. My physical body felt an unsafe place to be, for the first time since I’d discovered Kundalini Yoga.

When I look back now I realise a lot of ‘stuff’ I’d stuffed down, that I was
holding in the physical body, was beginning to make its way to the surface.

Whatever experience I had had to date with awakened Kundalini energy, which had all been so lovely with birdsong and beautiful leaves and heightened senses was being pushed to one side as the shit I had refused to deal with came bubbling up eagerly saying ‘now you’re safe enough to really transform.’

And then COVID hit.

It was upsetting, at the time, that our training had to move entirely online. But, in retrospect, in my view, it only went on to make the experience of the next 3 or 4 months one that took us all deeper in to the work we had to do than would ever have been possible had we not all been, as Carolyn so brilliantly put it, ‘sent to our rooms to think about what we’ve done’.

From there, it has been the most insane and flabbergasting experience of change. Not always, in fact rarely ever, comfortable. But always so incredibly valuable. I don’t even recognise myself in the recordings of the training from back in March. The triggers (and there have been many) and morning group practices and the amazing, amazing, modules online – every aspect of the experience of training has shaken me up and caused me to look at every aspect of my relationship to myself and to the outside world. The work is not yet done, it never will be, but Carolyn’s training is absolutely the best thing I have ever chosen to do for myself.

It’s empowered me in ways I did not ever imagine possible.

Falling in love with teaching, falling in love with yourself

My teaching is evolving. Always. But the magical thing is that I have learned how to step in to being allowed to hold space for others, to hold the power that comes with that, in a way that is hugely open-hearted, kind, inclusive and all whilst ENTIRELY being myself. I love it. I adore it. And I really cannot believe the transformation I have gone through when I think back to the absolute terror I felt on the first module when we were invited to form groups and teach each other. I was horrified. Nauseous. Shaking. Ashamed.

When I think about my total open-hearted joy as I taught this week it is gratitude that comes to me, that comes overflowing out of me. It really is the best thing I have ever done, to join the new Kundalini Global community. To share with others the practise that has allowed me, finally, to start being myself.

THIS WOMAN STARTED THE YEAR TOO NERVOUS TO SPEAK AT THE START OF A CLASS WITHOUT HER VOICE CRACKING WITH NERVES AND OVERWHELM

When the question first came in to the training of ‘how do you feel to step in to the power…’ of teaching, of holding space, I thought I understood. And that I felt ready. Like I said at the start, I spent so long knowing I wanted to teach Kundalini. And I’d been practising myself with such dedication.

But as I started to tip toe in to it I realised it made me feel vulnerable, childlike, pathetic… this was hard. So frustrating. How could sharing something I loved so much feel so difficult? Somehow, magically, the way the training was delivered and how it unfolded, the work on this was done bit by bit. And I can honestly say, now, that I teach my classes with my head held high, believing I deserve, and with no expectation of myself other than to be authentically me and to keep the integrity that the training has fostered.

I have changed this year because I am able to really accept my story, not hide from it. And not feel ashamed. I am able to embrace the lower triangle, the divine feminine, the left side, not only able, I WANT TO and it feels AMAZING. I am able to stand up for myself, to speak for myself in a way I never ever ever have in my entire life. The training has awakened every creative and passionate aspect of myself that has always been there, popping up to say hello throughout my life, but never all at once, and never with the sense of possibility I have now. I feel messier, somehow, but in the best way.

If you are reading this and you are thinking to yourself that you may, one day, like to teach too, please go and check out Carolyn. She helps people in ways I find completely awe inspiring and to be gifted a certificate at the end of my experience, that allows me to share on some of what I have learnt… I have never been prouder, happier and more ready to build on what I have done for myself and for others in 2020 for the rest of my life.

And, by the way, Carolyn did terrify me at the start, yes. Because she is powerful and funny and unashamedly herself. But more than that she inspired me. From the first moment I sat in a class with her. She is, in actual fact, one of the greatest, kindest and most wonderful people you could ever hope to meet. She gave me the best gifts ever, including but not limited to:

Teaching me how to really feel safe in my body.
Direction and help toward letting go of shame.
Wings.
Myself.

Goals plans and huge amounts of excitement, bring on 2021

I may have ended my classes for the year, but I have a lot I plan to do in coming weeks.

I have SO MANY exciting plans for 2021 and I really cannot wait to show you some of what I have planned. I have been brainstorming ideas of how to marry together the joy I get from writing this blog, from my Instagram account, and from teaching and sharing the practises of Kundalini Global. And I have something magic planned. Really really magic.

Beyond that I plan to start running workshops in the New Year, hopefully both online and in-person. I plan to train more. A lot more. I am only at the beginning of my journey. I am committed to this path now. Completely. And I can’t wait to see where the Sara-Jayne Kundalini community is at this time next year.

I’m so so grateful for every single one of you who reads my posts on this website, who comments on my Instagram posts and who come along to my classes. You’ve played a huge part in my transformative year and you gift me more joy than you would imagine. Thank you.

I will be blogging and posting throughout this festive period so no pause on the blog. Just a massive hug and an even bigger thank you.

Sending you all LOADS of love

Sara-Jayne
xxxxxx


Almost Blinded, 12 Foot Trees, Your Magic Brain and Why I May Be Dressed as A Bauble For Days: What I Have Been Up To This Week

Published on by Sara-Jayne EdwardsLeave a comment

Lovely lovely humans.

I have been neglecting you and I am so sorry! My little life has been a whirlwind in these past three weeks, even more so than usual, and whilst to be busy is not new to me, I have had so few opportunities to pause, to be still, to run myself a gloriously deep and hot candle-lit bubble bath, a few (of my favourite) things have taken something of a backseat.

But I am back. I am rested. And I am 100% in the Christmas spirit. And I hope you are feeling the love too. I’ve missed you. And it’s been so lovely to have messages from some of you asking where I am and checking in. I so love this little community we’re building and cannot wait for 2021 as we continue to come together to experience the magic of finding stillness through Kundalini Global.

Perhaps to some it is dull to express or to hear, but I absolutely adore the run up to Christmas. On Friday we bought a 12 foot tree that I was 100% certain would fit in my front room. It 100% did not. Cue the usual hilarity of ‘spirited’ family dynamics. My partner may have (accidentally) almost blinded me with a very sharp pair of gardening shears. But the tree was eventually, and with apologies from me (to the poor tree not the partner), trimmed down to size.

Yesterday I decorated my house with my children. We wore Christmas jumpers, we listened to Mariah and Wham and The Pogues and, at one point, a very questionable version of the 12 Days of Christmas that was selected by my 7 year old son, we ate mince pies… It was fabulous. In every way.

2021 Will Be Divine

This Life Divine is a new, online, event that is coming in the New Year, for anyone who identifies as having an anxious or addictive nature.

One of the things that has been keeping me busy is helping to organise a really wonderful new online event that I am lucky enough to have been asked to teach on in the New Year.

The purpose of the event, which runs from 2nd-4th January, is to look at ways of moving through both anxious and addictive behaviours. For many of us it’s been a really challenging year and this event is designed to help as we move beyond it.

My own involvement comes on day 3 of the event where I plan to have a lot of fun with affirmation as we work through a series called ‘Reprogramming The Human Psyche’. You know how much I love brains, right? Well, think of this class as a journey in to how very magical your own brain actually is – it will be Kundalini Global yoga with added joy.

I believe that this 3 day event, which will take place via Zoom and involve a mixture of breath work classes, yoga classes, workshops and talks, will be an absolutely brilliant way to start the year.

It is completely not for profit in any way – the proceeds from ticket sales are being donated to a selection of relevant charities that support those moving through addiction. If you cannot, for any reason, afford a ticket, you can sign up for a place for free.

I will, no doubt, write more about what to expect at the event in coming weeks, but do go check out the website and sign up for your place – it’s going to be practical, fascinating and give us all access to a huge array of tools as we set new intentions at the start of the year and commit to new, fear-free, ways of being.

You do not have to commit to the full 3 days, you can choose 1, or you can come in and out, you can find loads of information and the full schedule here:

This Life Divine

Join me for Christmas Party Yoga this week!

This week is my last week of teaching before I take a break from classes over Christmas.

If you haven’t been to one of my classes before it will be a fun week to join because I have committed to those who come regularly that I will be (you don’t have to, but I’d adore if you did) entirely in Christmas themed fancy dress all week. I may be a bauble, I may be an elf, I will avoid, for the sake of respect and good taste, dressing up as the Virgin Mary. I have had a request for Christmas music so perhaps we’ll do that too.

If you would like to come use the code FINDSTILLNESS at checkout to try your first class for free. Let’s have a LOT of fun and feel uplifted and joyous.

You can book this week’s classes here:

Book Classes

Reading so little my brain cells may die… and a really cool resource

Amazing offers from Vault Editions

When I said, at the start of this post, that I have had to take time from some of my favourite things in recent weeks, one of the most notable has been reading. I have been so tired when I flop in to bed that I have literally passed out the second my senses catch up to realise where I am. I have a to be read pile for my Christmas break that is so tall it may require crampons to climb so I will be posting loads over the festive period as I take time to catch up.

If you’re a creative type, or use social media for business in any way, one thing I HAVE been loving that takes the form of books is a series of publications from a company called Vault Editions.

Vault Editions curate collections of really curious and interesting royalty free images that can be used commercially.

They are not bog standard stock images. They are cool!

You buy them in printed books for between £10-20 so you can look through them like a catalogue and the book comes with a download of all of the images to use. So you get at least 100 interesting images for less than the cost of one from shutterstock or similar.

Then if you’re me you can cut up the book to make real life collages too!
Not to everyone’s taste but I am having fun with them and I think it’s an amazing offer. 

You can find them here:

Vault Editions

I could write and write today, I feel I have so much I’d love to tell you, but I promise to be back next week, at the latest, and look forward to seeing some of you in classes this week.

Sending you all LOADS of love.

Sara-Jayne
xxxxxxxxxx